chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
