Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
