that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
