A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
