If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
