You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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