I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who did Billy Mays play for?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
