Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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