U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
