am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
