so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
