I am spending my child support on dildos
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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