How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
