Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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