I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
