I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
