dude i'm inner monologue high
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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