I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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