I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
