No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
