a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
