he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
