I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i dont even know how to be here
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
