i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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