I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I didn't shave. On purpose
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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