there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
