i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
