I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
