bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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