I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
