Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
