Apparently you make a good broom.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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