omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
