She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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