yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
