I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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