I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
