I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
