hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
