Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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