There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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