dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
