I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
3 2 1 whiskey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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