I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
