I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
