After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
