Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
