i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I faked an abortion last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
