i just wanna soil my oats bro
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
