uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
