had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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