sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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