I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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